I have waited and prayed for years for this time in my life. This blog will be a written diary of my attempts to finally make the calling on my life a reality.
Im 50 and this last year as Ive been thinking about it, I felt that it would be tinged with a bit of sadness if I wasnt able to at least start to walk out what I believe God has called me to do. I, like you have been busy with other things all of these years, just as important. A marriage, children, family. There was always so much to do, and because I did it everyday it became familiar to me. But this new adventure will be an unfamiliar path and Im walking it alone with the Lord. Sure it would be so much easier to stay on the same one Ive been going around on for a number of years. But I was tiring of it. Same old views. However; on this new path Im not sure of the end, I dont have a map, just a starting point, and I dont even recognize the trees or the flowers through the bushes. If I get lost out here, maybe someone will have pity on me and show me the way through.
Seven years ago my marriage ended. Twenty-three years of my life all over because of a love-affair with a christian co-worker. I cannot convey to you the grief. My life was over and a part of me died back there. It has taken me years to get over it. My future was pretty well mapped out. I was going to be married forever and devote myself fully to my children (I was a stay at home mother)until they graduated from college and at that time my plan was that I was going to help the poor and motherless children who live on an island in the caribbean. I also knew that this was Gods call on my life.
I had lived on that island for a few years as a child because of my Dads job and the people there left a indelible mark upon my life. Over the years I would try to get back to my island home as much as I could and I always had a suitcase or two with toys and gifts for the children. I never knew exactly where the presents were going until I would get there and God would show me where the gifts belonged. Without even being intentional my personal ministry was born.
When my life was shattered into a million pieces I grieved because everyone of my dreams were taken from me.......but..............something miraculous has happened in the midst of great pain and suffering. A new life for me has emerged and it seems that this one is better then the other one. I hope that maybe this journal will be an encouragement to anyone out there whose life like mine was broken into a million little pieces. Your trying so hard to pick the mess up. But you and I know that rarely can any of us put the vase back together without it looking like it was broken and we would forever make excuses for it saying, "It was a beautiful vase, but then it broke, I tried to put it back together the best I could." But all you would see is the cracks and no matter how hard you tried to cover them you would always know that it had been broken and the pain would never go away because you carried with you the reminder. But guess what? I found out the most amazing truth in this journey of mine? When I gave my broken life to God hoping He would fix it, He didnt glue the pieces back together! He gave me a new vessel and with it a new beginning!! So, here goes...........................